i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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