just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
