just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
