Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
