I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We smell like vodka and hangover
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