Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
