She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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