I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
