i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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