Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
