I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
