And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
