It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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