Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it's like iHOP with fire
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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