So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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