Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
