So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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