Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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