roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
