Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
