so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
