actually, I'm a sock model
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
