If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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