I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
