I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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