her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
