I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
