well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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