I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Randomize
