Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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