omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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