I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
