That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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