you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
