I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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