Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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