Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
