Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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