If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
