Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
