does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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