he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
