I wish I could punch you in the face.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
