You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
