then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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