I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
MIDGETS
????
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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