So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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