Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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