I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My dick has a subreddit
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
