I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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