Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
