I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
